This year, I’m afraid of summer. I’ve never had this feeling before, and it scares me. I’m usually happy when spring arrives. Who doesn’t the love cherry blossoms? I don’t even like birds, yet I love hearing them communicate in the morning (I don’t actually think that they’re singing; it sounds more poetic to say so, but in my opinion, it makes more sense that they’re talking).
This past fall/winter has been terrible. My SAD was particularly bad. There were a few things that I was really looking forward to, things that kept me slightly motivated, but when they happened, they were nothing close to what I was expecting. Overall, I never felt OK. It is true that July’s Silvia is nothing close to January’s Silvia, but after the first weeks of October (where pretty much I want to die and I wonder if I’ll be able to make it), I eventually feel decent. It wasn’t the case this fall/winter…I felt awful throughout the whole season.
Precisely because of these bad past months, I’m not looking forward at all to enjoying summer. I know that summer will be over and the fall will come, and I don’t think I have the strength to handle it. This probably sounds ridiculous and extreme to some people, but if you’ve suffered from depression and anxiety, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
I don’t like this at all, and I don’t have a real plan to solve it. I’m already slightly anxious that I’ll be anxious in August (which is after July, and if June is almost here: it’s over!!)