There are days when small things are huge.
On Saturday, I cried because I ordered a bad chai latte. I cried because the coconut milk I chose made my drink watery.
On Sunday morning, I realised I’ve started taking my medicine the wrong day. I cried for about 40 minutes.
How can I not be able to order a proper drink? How can I take the medicine the wrong day after taking it for almost 2 years? I cried more those 2 days than when I knew my abue had passed away.
While crying, I prayed…I asked Jesus to help me choose love, I ask Mary to comfort me.
It all started last Wednesday, it was a good day. I went to confession and talked about the same things I’ve been talking for months (it amazes me that my priest isn’t tired of me, but yet, he is so wonderful, I guess that’s why!). I told Father how hard it was to choose love, that some days were so difficult. We talked about other things as well. And then, Fr. told me what you’re doing is very pleasing to God. I was so happy to hear that, it gave a sense of bliss that I haven’t felt in a while; I smiled and throughout the day I thought about it.
It was a great Wednesday because January was finally over, because it was a sunny day, because Mass was beautiful that morning and because I knew that my actions were very pleasing to God. But hours later I fell down the stairs. It wasn’t serious, I didn’t break any bones. But I got myself a very bad sprained ankle. So I was told: stay home, don’t walk, it’ll take about 4 months to heal.
And I handled it well, I didn’t cry although it hurt. I stayed home. It snowed a lot, and the scenery was beautiful.
Then I ordered the wrong chai latte, and I cried like it was a big deal.
But I also went to Mass, and my husband shovelled an entire back alley so I could walk back with the air boot cast that I’m wearing. I cried most of the time during Mass. I asked God to help me choose love over sadness, over despair. And my friends loved me at church, they were all worried about my foot, they all truly cared about me. A real and honest caring that I’m so blessed to have.
But next morning, on Sunday, I cried for about 40 minutes because I started my progesterone days before I was supposed to. Sadly, my hormonal system is so messed-up that I don’t think my small dose mistake made a real difference, but it was again another failure, another thing that I couldn’t do right.
And again, while crying, I prayed…I asked Jesus to help me choose love, I ask Mary to comfort me.
Today is Tuesday, a sunny Tuesday and the snow is melting so I’ll be to go back to work, which makes me very happy. It will rain soon, and with the rain comes darkness. I cannot go to Zumba for a while and I know I’ll need to do my morning exercises sitting, or mostly do abs. I know it will be so hard to choose love over sadness, but I’ll try my best, because it pleases God, and that’s the least I can do for Him.