I’ve been sad for many reasons. One of them (and it’s not really the main one) is that I feel that I’m not really loved in my new home. Now, I know this is a lie. I know people love me, I know lots of people love me very much…yet, because I’m sad I keep on thinking sure, they love me, but not in the same way people love me in Mexico. In Mexico, I am loved for who I am, I can see in people’s eyes and actions how much they love me, how truly happy they are to be with me. But in Canada, I’ve dedicated years, years to be liked and loved by people. And I have failed. People that I wish could really liked me and loved me, don’t do it…or at least not how I wish they could.
I think I’ve written about this…that just proves the weight sometimes this topic has on my shoulders. Sometimes when I feel confident, I realized that I actually don’t want to be liked by everyone. There are many people with whom I have very little in common, who had values, thoughts and believes very different from mine, and while I respect them and love them in a way, I don’t really want to be liked by them.
But after going to Reconciliation today, I’ve been told to cherish all the love of people that I have. And I have so many people who love me, and I cry while I write this…I took me so long to find friends and caring people in Canada. I’m so blessed to have them now in my life. I can see their love, I feel it when they hug me, when they talk to me and care about my things.
I was also told, to stop longing for that love that is not there, and therefore is not coming. I’ve never prayed for that, but I did it this morning, and it has brought so much calm and peace. And I won’t be writing about this anymore, because why would I write about something like this, when I can write about some many good things around me.
It’s true that I’m sad, but I am loved by so many people, by the best husband I could ever had, and most importantly, by God. God loves me because of my flaws and weaknesses, He is always there, ready to embrace and console me, to tell me how important and special I am.